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Ordering diner takeout at 3:30am. Because sometimes you want a turkey club sandwich, but not under fluorescent lighting, while drunk.
One man left his widow just one farthing after she insulted him when he broke wind and another left his entire estate to his daughter on the condition that she left her “immoral” husband.
The strange requests are among some of the most bizarre found by experts who have spent more than half a century studying wills.
The team at London-based genealogy firm Fraser and Fraser dug up scores of “hilarious” passages written on the legal declarations but have whittled their results down to a top ten, revealed for the first on Monday.
Among them is one man who left £26,000 to Jesus Christ, but only if Jesus proved his identity.
Another, Annie Langabeer, 59, left her brother-in-law two shillings and six pence so he could “buy a rope” because she wanted him to hang himself.
It was accompanied with the message “though dead our spirits live”.
And one, written by Stephen Cuthbert from Wiltshire in 2002, included strict instructions that his estate paid for the “p--- up” after his funeral.
Experts have sifted through 200,000 wills since the late 1960s in a bid to trace people's family trees.
Neil Fraser, 39, a partner at the firm, said: "Most of them are fairly old. Usually when we find the hilarious passages, we are all just researching people's next of kin and we suddenly stumble across something unusual.
“It's quite hard to spot the unusual lines because they are typically just one paragraph in a five page document.
"But every now and again you will stumble across a funny line, paragraph or strange request which makes us laugh in the office."
Frank Smith, from Romsey, Hants, knew exactly what he wanted to do with his £2,989 estate in December 1937.
He left all of his remaining possessions to his daughter as long as she did not continue living with her “immoral husband”.
Mr Smith, who died in November 1942, said the money should go to the Exchequer if she disobeyed his request.
Pork sausages (Alamy)
In February 1999, Kenneth Gibson, from Lincolnshire, insisted that his daughter be given the “price of half a pound of pork sausages” after her late mother, Ann Cox, did not pay her for them.
He died two months later in April, aged 75.
Isaac Cooke from Surrey, wrote his will in 1935 and died the following year.
He left everything to his wife, Alice, and wrote his entire will in a “beautiful” seven-verse rhyming poem.
One section reads: "To Alice Cooke my loving wife, for her to keep or use. Without reserve throughout her life, however she may choose."
Rather less poetically, Albert Orton, 70, from Coventry, who died aged 70 in 1888, left one farthing to his wife because he was disgusted at the treatment he received from her.
The boot and shoe manufacturer said she called him a “rotten old pig” because he broke wind.
Richard Walker, who wrote his will in 1981 left £10,000 to the “love of his life”', Miss Miss Gay Varasporn Suwanahong whom he met in a bar in Thailand.
She could only receive the sum when she turned 21. Mr Walker, from Wolverhampton, died in Bangkok in 1982, aged 41. He wrote in his will: "Tell her I love her more than anyone I have ever met."
Sir Charles Stewart Henry Vane Tempest Stewart, the 7th Marquess of Londonderry, wrote his 55-page will in 1945. He was one of the richest men in the country at the time and had everything covered. He not only wanted his wife to have all of his animals, but also “the natural increase of animals” too.
The top ten most bizarre wills:
1. Annie Langabeer, from Sutton, Surrey, died in Epsom, aged 59 in 1932. She wrote in her will her brother in law, Daniel Jones, should be paid 2 shillings and six pence to enable him to purchase a rope with the message 'though dead our spirits live'.
2. Isaac Cooke from Surrey, wrote his will in 1935 and died in 1936. He left everything to his wife, Alice, and wrote his entire will in a seven-verse rhyming poem. One section reads: "To Alice Cooke my loving wife, for her to keep or use. Without reserve throughout her life, however she may choose."
3. Frank Smith, from Romsey, Hants, had £2989 and wrote his will in December 1937. He died in November 1942. He wrote in his will to leave all remaining possessions to his daughter as long as she doesn't continue living with her 'immoral husband' or permit her husband to benefit from the inheritance. And if the daughter does not do this, everything will go to the Exchequer for the purposes of the state.
4. Albert Orton, 70, from Coventry, was born in 1818. He only left one farthing to his wife because he was disgusted at the treatment he received from her. The boot and shoe manufacturer said she called him a 'rotten old pig' because he broke wind. He died in 1888, aged 70.
5. A man left £26,000 to Jesus Christ, provided that his identity could be established.
6. Kenneth Gibson, born in 1923 in Lincolnshire, requested in 1999 his step daughter should get the 'price of half a pound of pork sausages that she claimed in my presence that her late mother Ann Cox had not paid her for'. He died in April 1999.
7. Martin Turner, wrote his will in January 1916. He was in the British Army and had the original surname of Tuchmann which was stated in all records. But he requested everyone should call him, his heir heirs and children by the surname Turner only.
8. Richard Walker, wrote his will in 1981 and decided to leave the majority of his state, £10,000, to the 'love of his life', Miss Miss Gay Varasporn Suwanahong - who he met in a bar in Thailand. She could only receive the sum when she turned 21. Mr Walker, from Wolverhampton, died in Bangkok in 1982, aged 41. He wrote in his will: "Tell her I love her more than anyone I have ever met."
9. Sir Charles Stewart Henry Vane Tempest Stewart, the 7th Marquess of Londonderry, wrote his 55-page will in 1945. He was one of the richest men in the country at the time and had everything covered. He not only wanted his wife to have all of his animals, but also 'the natural increase of animals' too.
10. Stephen Cuthbert, from Wiltshire, wrote his will in 2002 with strict instructions that his estate paid for the 'piss up' after his funeral.
